Saturday, July 22, 2006

I know I haven't posted in exactly one month. Things have turned busy at work. Rest assured, I am very much alive. I have not been whacked by one of the two serial killers running amok in the Greater Phoenix Area.

On Saturday afternoon, my wife posed a question that I found oddly thought-provoking. She asked what would we do if we found ourselves in a situation like the opening minutes of the Dawn of the Dead remake: waking up as our neighborhood is being overrun by flesh-eating zombies?

The first thing I considered was what sort of zombies are we talking about here? The lumbering dolts from the Roger Corman movies, or the frenetic beasts from Danny Boyle’s 2003 film 28 Days Later? Believe it or not, it makes a big difference. Corman’s Undead are slow, plodding creatures that are easily subdued by a swift blow to the head. Though very lethal, a sole Corman zombie won’t pose an immediate threat, but they do have the advantage of strength in numbers. Should a swarm of them surround my house, escape would be nearly impossible, and it would only be a matter of time before the throng unwittingly shatters the ground floor windows to gain entry.

By contrast, Boyle’s Undead are speedy creatures with enormous physical strength. Like Corman’s breed, taking down a Boyle zombie entails inflicting a fatal head injury, though accomplishing the task would be much more difficult. A single Boyle zombie could burst through my sliding glass door and slaughter me, my wife, and my dog in a matter of seconds. The best way to engage this type of zombie is with a firearm from a distance, provided you are exceptionally good at hitting highly erratic moving targets. My aim is good, but not that good. If only one or two of them were lingering near the house, I might be able to get a couple of shots off as I pulled the car out of the garage to make a hasty escape. That’s a big might. If dozens of them were congregating, forget about it. We’d be as good as dead.

Assuming we make it out of the neighborhood alive, then what? I could go on, but I’m suddenly compelled to go count my ammo stash. Will 250 rounds be enough to get me out of Zombie-Ville?