Thursday, July 21, 2005

You can lead a bum to water, but you can't make him drink...

There was a blaring headline on the newswires this morning. “Relentless Heat in Phoenix Kills 18 Homeless”. Not to seem like I’m picking on bums, but there’s a limit to the amount of compassion I have for the plight of these crispy homeless folk. Here’s why:

1) Uh…it’s Phoenix, Retards. The heat is relentless from May to October. If they didn’t know this already, I can only assume these people are in fact alien vagabonds who just crash landed on Earth.

2) Presuming they are not extraterrestrial migrants, what possessed them to squat in Phoenix in the summertime, knowing full well that it’s one of the hottest locales in the country? (On that same token, why do some homeless insist on staying in Winnipeg in the dead of winter?)

3) Vagrancy and loitering laws aside, were these people so devoid of basic survival skills that they couldn’t camp out at Wal-Mart, or some equally cavernous retail outlet, or possibly the public library, where they could wander for hours and take advantage of the free-flowing water fountains and comfy air conditioning?

4) Where are all the bleeding heart humanitarians that staff the food kitchens and homeless shelters? Did they not kick off the summer season with a stern warning of the impending bake? You know, something like:
”Hey Bums, it’s gettin’ hot out! Don’t leave the shelter without some sunscreen and a jug of water. And for Christ’s Sake, take off those bulky wool shirts you been wearing since Christmas!”
Did the bums heed the warning? Presumably, the answer is no.

5) As the temperatures rose steadily at a record-breaking pace through July, at what point did the bums say to themselves, “Damn, I ain’t feelin’ so good. Time to get me some water.” If that thought did cross their minds, what was it that prevented them from hydrating themselves properly, given the ample sources of free water at the aforementioned freeloader hangouts?

These are just a few of the thoughts that spring immediately to mind. I know, I’m just waiting for the “You heartless bastard!” replies. At some point, though, don’t you think compassion should take a backseat to reason for a moment or two? Do the works of Charles Darwin, or perhaps Thomas Malthus, ring a bell for anyone?


At 7/22/2005 9:32 AM, Blogger BACdanielle said...

That was laugh-out-loud funny!

At 8/04/2005 1:00 PM, Blogger azgopbabeval said...

I am so glad that there is someone else that finally asks these questions, out loud! Geez...


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