Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Hunting down terrorists and dismantling their means of survival is a bad idea, at least according to the leadership of the European Union. Romano Prodi, a senior EU chief, had this to say in light of last week's Al-Qaeda attack in Madrid: "It is clear that using force is not the answer to resolving the conflict with terrorists."

Mr. Prodi's solution to trigger-happy Islamic fanaticism is a whole new spin on the old Clinton/Eurotrash terror-fighting model, otherwise known as "Calculated Indifference", or "CI" for short. CI ultimately failed because it didn't engage terrorists as "people". It didn't allow us to open a polite dialogue with them, or explore our differences in a respectful manner and embrace diversity. The new, improved model, a classic throwback to the appeasement policies of bygone days, addresses the inherent failures of the CI model and takes terror-fighting to a whole new level. It's called Kumbaya Diplomacy, and it goes a little something like this:

Somewhere in a remote cave, one that is large enough to accommodate the leaders of the Western World and the multitude of Islamo-fascist terror groups, a constructive love-in takes place. For a week, these hardened enemies sit around and discuss what really makes them tick... The West believes in the freedoms of speech and religion... Islamo-fascists believe freedom means the right to blow up heretics who dare to speak freely and practice a religion other than Islam... The West lets women attend school, vote, work, and be free to fornicate without persecution... Islamo-fascists prefer to keep women caged in their homes, and to stone them to death if they flagrantly display a sliver of ankle flesh in public... The West is contemplating legalizing same-sex marriage... Islamo-fascists are conjuring new, more painful ways to torture and murder homosexuals... and so on...

At the end of the week, the parties may not find much common ground, but they'll have a whole new appreciation for each other. This newfound mutual admiration for diversity will undoubtedly lead to a new era of terror-free happiness around the globe.

Now, let's all sing…Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya


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