Monday, March 29, 2004

Canadian pride runs deep, and at its core lies a fervent strain of resentment towards America. Every once in a while it burbles to the surface, manifesting itself as a public display of abject boorishness.

The Drudge Report posted a link to an Ottawa Citizen story about a high school student who maintained her composure while being booed during a flag rally. Her blasphemous indiscretion? The student, a dual Canadian/American citizen, proudly brandished the American flag. Though school officials are quick to assert this was an isolated incident, the impolite display of anti-American bile actually occurred during last year's rally, as well.

Isolated incident, my ass. I've seen this sort of behavior before. Flash the Stars & Strips before some so-called enlightened, multiculturally-sensitive Canadians and you'll see invective flying faster than an Al MacGinnis slapshot.

I was attending university when the Toronto Blue Jays won their first World Series in '92. During the impromptu street party after the Jays sealed the title against the Braves in Game 6, I saw a group of otherwise docile Canucks attempt to set an American flag ablaze with a match and some lighter fluid. Another student, visiting from upstate New York, took offense, naturally. He intervened, but was subsequently shouted down by the crowd and treated to a few well-placed punches to the head.

Yes, they were college students. Yes, they were likely wasted off their collective asses. However, I expected that sort of ugly scene from Muslim extremists, not my nerdish classmates.

Like I said, Canadian pride runs deep.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Plucked this gem from today's headlines:
Top doc backs picking your nose and eating it.
Imagine the impending craze if they can prove boogers are not only healthy immune supplements, but carb-free, as well.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

In case there's any confusion about the definition of the phrase "policy flip-flop", here's Botox John Kerry defending his meandering stance on the bill that funded troops in Iraq:
"I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it."

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Rooting for Botox John Kerry this November? So are these guys.

Hunting down terrorists and dismantling their means of survival is a bad idea, at least according to the leadership of the European Union. Romano Prodi, a senior EU chief, had this to say in light of last week's Al-Qaeda attack in Madrid: "It is clear that using force is not the answer to resolving the conflict with terrorists."

Mr. Prodi's solution to trigger-happy Islamic fanaticism is a whole new spin on the old Clinton/Eurotrash terror-fighting model, otherwise known as "Calculated Indifference", or "CI" for short. CI ultimately failed because it didn't engage terrorists as "people". It didn't allow us to open a polite dialogue with them, or explore our differences in a respectful manner and embrace diversity. The new, improved model, a classic throwback to the appeasement policies of bygone days, addresses the inherent failures of the CI model and takes terror-fighting to a whole new level. It's called Kumbaya Diplomacy, and it goes a little something like this:

Somewhere in a remote cave, one that is large enough to accommodate the leaders of the Western World and the multitude of Islamo-fascist terror groups, a constructive love-in takes place. For a week, these hardened enemies sit around and discuss what really makes them tick... The West believes in the freedoms of speech and religion... Islamo-fascists believe freedom means the right to blow up heretics who dare to speak freely and practice a religion other than Islam... The West lets women attend school, vote, work, and be free to fornicate without persecution... Islamo-fascists prefer to keep women caged in their homes, and to stone them to death if they flagrantly display a sliver of ankle flesh in public... The West is contemplating legalizing same-sex marriage... Islamo-fascists are conjuring new, more painful ways to torture and murder homosexuals... and so on...

At the end of the week, the parties may not find much common ground, but they'll have a whole new appreciation for each other. This newfound mutual admiration for diversity will undoubtedly lead to a new era of terror-free happiness around the globe.

Now, let's all sing…Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

A group of California legislators has proposed a state constitutional amendment to extend voting rights to children. Under the plan, kids 14 & 16 years of age would have ¼ and ½ ballots in state elections, respectively.

As long as we’re talking about codifying lunacy, why stop there? Why not extend sufferage to the pre-teen set? Why not send tykes who don’t yet know how to compute their ballot fraction to the polls? We could use the same sliding scale formula under the amendment plan to get the ideal vote proportion for tots: 12 years old = 1/8 vote, 10 years old = 1/16 vote, 8 years old = 1/32 vote, 6 years old = 1/64 vote, etc.

Hold on a sec! Does this proposed amendment only apply to children free of the womb, or would pregnant women get an extra 1/512nd of a ballot for their fetus? Would that violate the secret ballot tenet? What if the fetus leans right-of-center, yet the mother is a devout leftist? How do we know if the mother is casting the fractional vote according to the fetus’s wishes?

Oh, what a hornet’s nest…

Friday, March 05, 2004

Yes, I still watch NBC’s “Must See TV Thursday”…

Years ago, my aunt Trish gave me Donald Trump’s opus, The Art of the Deal, as a Xmas present. Despite the glowing reviews, I found it terminally boring. Trump droned on and on, filling page after page with the minutiae of transactions that made him Manhattan’s most famous, and worst coifed, real estate magnate. Given such an inauspicious peek into the phenomenon that is “The Donald”, I was skeptical of his foray into the world of reality TV. Lucky for me, Mark Burnett, executive producer of The Apprentice, has created a show featuring Trump that is actually quite palatable.

Last night, the haughty Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth was finally booted from Trump Tower. A Howard University PhD candidate, former Clinton/Gore staffer, and self-proclaimed “ghetto to White House” success story, Omarosa drew the ire of her teammates with her sanctimonious airs, lackadaisical work ethic, and unwarranted race baiting. Her antics prompted a stunning rebuke from Trump as she was “fired” from the show.

Ok, so I’m hooked on a reality show…again. So, sue me.

John Kerry picked up a key endorsement today: North Korea. According to the Financial Times, the communist leadership in Pyongyang is encouraged by the prospect of another Democrat in the White House.