Wednesday, December 24, 2003

I found out yesterday that the neighborhood surrounding my office has been designated a "dual response zone" by the City of Phoenix. What is a "dual response zone", you ask? Well, it means when the Fire Dept. or Ambulance is called, they will not enter the neighborhood without a police escort.

I'm not exactly sure what prompted the City to bestow this dubious distinction on the 35th Ave & Thomas Rd area. Maybe it was the multiple, gang-related shootings over the past couple of weeks. Or, maybe it was the latest "bum blaze" craze sweeping through the nearby transient community. Yes, "bum blaze" is exactly as the name implies; Bum #1 is pissed at Bum #2, so Bum #1 douses Bum #2 with rubbing alcohol, lighter fluid, or whatever their beverage of choice is these days, then sets him ablaze.

Needless to say, discussion of a relocation to the more civilzed parts of the Valley has been moved to the fore by company executives. Might I suggest a quiet part of North Scottsdale, perhaps? There's plenty of cozy office space up there, and the area is entirely bum and gang free.

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