Sunday, August 24, 2003

I know, I know, Hollywood is infested with uber-liberal drones. But, you see, most of these people are incredibly talented, and I enjoy their work. The problem is, every time I hear one of them open their mouths to utter an insipid, ill-informed, knee-jerk commie commentary on America's state of affairs, I can't help but lose a little respect for them. The more they speak, them harder it is for me to take them seriously, despite their talents. It's like watching a Roman Polanski movie without acknowledging his proclivity for prepubescent anal sex.

Take Janeane Garofalo, for instance. She's one of the few female comedians who actually made me laugh. Now, she just makes me angry. During her ubiquitous talking head appearances on cable TV, Comrade Garofalo has been merciless, spewing forth absurd conspiracy theories about evil Republicans usurping freedom and democracy across the globe. If her comments were at least funny, and delivered with her trademark sardonic wit, I could take her vitriolic attacks with a grain of salt. Alas, I cannot. She's morphed into a shrill, humorless dolt. Her comedic talents are forever tainted for me.

I hope Tom Hanks doesn't follow suit. I like Tom. Besides being a great actor, he really won me over during a couple of his quirky Letterman appearances. He shared with Dave his views on musical theatre (hates it, doesn't understand why people are singing and dancing for no reason) and taking baths (doesn't like sitting in a tepid pool of his own filth). Both of these banalities are issues with which I'm in total agreement. Up until now, however, I've ignored the liberal thing in Tom's regard. He's Hollywood royalty, of course he's a liberal.

That blissful ignorance might be sullied in the coming weeks, though. The NY Post is reporting that Hanks is leading a quiet Tinseltown revolt against Arnold Schwarzenegger's candidacy for Governor. The reason? Well, frankly, he's running as a...gasp...Republican. Say it ain't so, Forrest!


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