Thursday, July 31, 2003

The mainstream press is becoming more enamored with the Howard Dean “phenomenon”. Lately they’ve been working very hard at painting him as a centrist Democrat rather than an outright liberal. Even some of my otherwise conservative-minded friends are buying into this ruse. I beg to differ. Who else but a committed liberal would utter this rather ominous message on the issue of tax cuts, as Dean did last night:

"Working Americans have a choice: They can have the president's tax cuts or they can have health care that can't be taken away. They can't have both."

If this is the kind of “not-really-a-liberal” talk we can expect to hear from Dean throughout the campaign, then the Bush campaign machine can just stop fundraising right now. Bush will win by default. Forcing Americans to make a such a stark choice between lower taxes and big government is not the way to win an election.

Kerry, Edwards and Lieberman have so far opposed the idea of rolling back the tax cut. As Lieberman’s spokesman stated, “While the Bush economic plan has been a disaster for the middle class, raising taxes on the middle class would just be piling on.”

Am I the only one who sees the contortion here? According to the "centrist" Democratic candidates, Bush’s economic plan, the centerpiece of which is an across the board tax cut that favors the middle class quite heavily, is a disaster. Yet, taking away the tax cut is also a disaster. If taking away the tax cut is a bad thing, how is giving the tax cut in the first place also bad? How can you condemn both the cutting and raising of taxes in the same sentence?

This convoluted logic doesn’t even count as doublespeak; it’s just stupid, and a recipe for disaster for Democrats come 2004.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I had no idea Hitler was the brainchild behind the Volkswagon Beetle. Can you imagine what a nightmare that was for the marketing execs at VW? They did a great job covering that up, considering they created one of the most beloved brands of the 20th century.

Saddam didn't invent Snapple, did he?

I rode the bus to work today for the first time in several months. As for eccentric entertainment, I thought I would be disappointed. The ride was uneventful and generally freak-free, until the last leg of the trip. Standing at the bus stop at 7th Ave. & Thomas, I was treated to a boisterous lovers quarrel between two grizzled lesbians. I'm not sure what the tiff was all about, though I did hear snippets of "probation", "fuckin' douche-bag judge" and "doin' my brother" amongst the shrieking and the threats of violence.

How does that quote go? Hell hath no fury like a hobo lesbo catfight? Yes, I think that's Shakespeare, all right.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Rape are dead.

I would advise selling short the stock of any manufacturer of ginseng sexual fortifiers. The loss of Uday's bulk orders will surely hurt the bottom lines of these companies for several quarters.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

I haven't seen "The Hulk" yet, but I hear it's wang-tacular.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Well, well, well...

It seems that Canada has slipped below the United States in the latest UN Human Development Index report, otherwise known as the "Quality of Life Index". Normally, I don't pay any attention to the subjective scribblings of the UN's commie bureaucrats, however, this is one I feel compiled to dwell upon.

You see, Canadians have for years been touting this useless annual report as conclusive, divine proof of the superiority of its quasi-socialist system, mainly because the UN bean-counters placed Cuba North at the top of the list for 7 straight years. I can't count the number of times I've had to endure the anti-American ramblings of Great White Dolts, citing the infernal UN report:

"Canada is the best and everyone knows it. Just look at the UN report."

"America is an evil, violent, ignorant place, where babies die on street corners, and black people are hung from trees for sport. That's why the US is 4 spots behind Canada in the UN report."

"Don't move to the US! If you get shot by a crack whore, you won't get medical attention because you won't have insurance. Then, the crack whore will sue you for emotional distress. It says so in the UN report."

My response has been consistent: the report is garbage. I never put any stock in what a dedicated civil servant of the highest order has to say about the quality of one's life. Unfortunately, a profound blind faith in the omnipotence of bureaucracy is exactly what led many Canadians to embrace the report wholeheartedly, without a modicum of doubt. Well, that and an equally profound mix of envy and manifested hatred of their Southern neighbors.

I'm sure Canada's national feathers will be ruffled for a week or two over this silliness. Some biased surveys will be released by leftist Toronto newspapers, affirming once again the moral certitude of the country's vaunted socialism. And in 2004, when the next UN survey shows Canada eeking out a slight lead over the USA, Kofi Annan will be lionized anew, and the fragile ego of a petty nation will be restored. Until the next year...